Finding Magic in the Mess

And I’m Feeling Good

And I’m Feeling Good

And I’m Feeling Good…

Do you know that song? Whether it’s Sinatra, Nina Simone, or Bublé, it’s hard to hear that song without actually FEELING GOOD, right?  (And if you don’t know what I’m talking about, please do me a favor and use your Google skills to enlighten yourself. You will thank me, I promise.)
So tell me why we keep putting off feeling good by waiting until the “right” time? Why do we not do the things that we know will make us feel good? I’m as guilty as anyone as I realized a few weeks ago…
I’m one of those “I’m not buying ANY clothes until I lose 20 pounds” types of women. The problem with that is that I’ve been saying it for 5 years now. So when presented with the rare evening out with other adults to go to a restaurant that does not have a kid’s menu, I panic. I try on everything in my closet, ball it up, throw it against the wall, and sit naked on my bed crying about how nothing fits me and how I’m not going anymore, until I end up in my same old “uniform” of jeans that don’t fit covered by a big shirt to make me feel better about my too small jeans.
I’ll tell you why. Because I’ve had such an awful opinion of myself that I didn’t think I deserved new clothes. I thought I had failed myself by not losing the perfect amount of weight. I thought it was pointless to spend my hard earned money on this body.
This body. My body. Me.
I basically told myself I didn’t deserve to feel good. Isn’t that terrible? Yeah, it is. So I decided enough was enough.
Instead of the naked crying going on and on, I got up and went to the closest department store. I was like “Screw this! I’m going to look GOOD tonight.” I was on a mission. I grabbed five pairs of jeans and tried them all on, getting more frustrated after each pair didn’t fit right in any of the right places. I grabbed the last pair that I just KNEW wouldn’t work. The skinny jeans with the holes and tears in them that I saved for last because I wanted them to magically transform me into the cool/hippie/rock mom.
Hell yeah they fit. Like a freaking glove. I wanted to wear them out of the store. I couldn’t have been more excited.
But then there’s that voice in your head that won’t let you be happy. Or believe that you look good. “What if it was the store mirror? What if these look terrible in real life?”
I even made my neighbor come over to double check. She confirmed that they were magical and then gently reminded me that I could not JUST wear jeans to dinner. There also had to be a top.
Before I could panic, she was leading me into her her house and into her closet. She offers up a black, silky, button down, cold-shoulder blouse. Do people use the word blouse? Whatever it was, it was way nicer than anything in my closet. A serious transformation happened at that very moment.
I put the shirt/blouse on, and I could not believe the woman that was standing there. She wasn’t JUST a cool/hippie/rock mom. She was a beautiful woman. A confident woman. And it FELT SO GOOD.
I strutted around town that night feeling absolutely incredible. All it took was clothes that actually FIT me.  And it was noticeable. The babysitter, my sister-in-law, my husband… they all commented. More than once. But not on my clothing. They all commented on me – how I was glowing, how beautiful I looked, etc.
It was never about the clothes.
It was confidence. It was the belief that I am truly beautiful.
Please don’t wait for the right time to be you. You’re beautiful today, so BE beautiful today. FEEL beautiful today. Treat yourself like you’re everything you’ve always dreamed of because YOU ARE everything you’ve always dreamed of.
When you feel like a badass, you’ll treat yourself like a badass.
I remember thinking, “If I felt this way every day, I bet I would be a lot nicer to myself.” A woman that feels amazing isn’t likely to binge eat chocolate, chug bottles of wine, or do other self-deprecating things that people who don’t feel good about themselves do. So why NOT feel like a cool/hippie/rock mom every day? This one life we are given is precious. So what if you’re in size 22 or size 2 jeans?
As long as you’re rocking them and feeling good…


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